Expectations....

 

 I have cared for the people and I have been hurt terribly in return that I was shattered to pieces. At times I have felt that I should change the way I think. I wanted to change my thought process where I am the last important person of my life. But ultimately the things didn’t change. 

Ultimately I remained the same, though every time I was hurt brutally. Does caring hurts so much? Caring doesn’t hurt but I realized that somehow expectation hurts a lot. I expected. I expected that the way I cared for someone in that similar way the opposite end will care for me. But it was not that.

The fact that remained stand by is how to stop expecting? As being a normal human, I expect from the people I care. This makes the things turn on to other side. Caring for someone does not give the ultimate right to expect.

 

I had lost a numerous friends on account of either excessive care or excessive expectations. But my thought doesn’t change me since I don’t consider it to be a mistake ultimately. 

People have often used me as a thing and then have left me behind broken and torn apart.  Emotions have often found their destination in the salty waters where I have submerged my existence wholly. I know it’s difficult to understand the scenario but the question which remains answerable is that how to deal with my own mentality. The mentality, the nature, the GREAT EXPECTATIONS that is leading me to drift away from my existence!

Their first love..

It was slow but a steady move. Linda was lost. She couldn’t find the ways to divert attention of Keith who seemed to be very determined. Keith was breathing heavily and the warmth of his breath touched her face.

Was it right to let him touch her. Linda was not sure. Within a fraction of second she was drowned into the thought of their first date. Keith was shyly sitting over a distance and couldn’t even glance at her. Linda smiled at him. Keith was difficult to handle. A rather introvert person with a calmness instilled in him that made him so special.

Soon she was back from the past. Over a period of time they had been dating each other. They were accustomed to each other`s day to day habits and were trying to adjust with each other. Two of them seemed to be exact opposite poles. They never agreed and the cat fights brought them more close to each other.

It was in a span of few months that everything seemed to change. Keith had become impatient and Linda became quiet. There was definitely a change in their chemistry which made them more caring about each other.

They looked into each other`s eye .Linda stole her glance from him. Keith kept on looking at her breathing heavily. He took her chin up and looked at her desperately. Linda felt her heart pumping blood twice more as the pulse was running like gushing stream.

Keith touched her lips while he clasped her sweating hands in his hands. With a single touch there was butterflies in Linda`s stomach that gave her the feel of passion. Keith on other hand was staring at her and perspiring to calm himself down.

It was a cold night. They hugged and rose to move. A heavenly peace resided in two hearts as they had experienced their first kiss.

Drifting apart..

I haven't thought we would drift away in this way,
Setting apart from the original path,
Had been so disappointing,
That I had run away!
I close and I close my eyes,
My tears touching my cheeks,
That drifted me away from the memories gay.
I had been soft,
I had been sweet,
Armored to face the struggle,
I had lost my way,friend.
I had been lost,
Finding my way towards the blue bay,
I seem to have fallen in despair,
What to be done,
And how shall I do !

At the break of dawn..

Cursing me,you gained freedom.
Regaining my senses,
I felt the remorse in me,
Guided by your thoughts;
I lived with you every moment.
Going deep below the ocean of love,
I met you in my dreamy land.
While dreaming and caring for you,
I felt we lived for each other.
The dull night tore us apart,
Making me feel the gried...
I loved and I loved and I amoured you..
To breach the illusion I touched you..
You were there with me,
Standing with arms folded,
I looked at you,
And found your eyes gleaming like the night.
I loved you and beside me you stood,
As you touched me,
I felt the sound of thine,
I struck and felt off from the dreamy clouds,
It was nothing,but a sheer illusion,
That made my heart grief-stricken,
In the beginning of the new dawn.

Forgetting YOU...

I try and I try often,
I try hard to forget,
All that was said....
All that was unsaid.

Pouring down comes the thoughts,
The words the trauma,
All that anguish that had cause,
To drift the said to unsaid.

Deepest thoughts run down the trench,
Have I ever thought of you,
Every breath I take in,
I miss YOU..!!

Kindness

Kindness is getting lost in the midst of the busy life that we spend today.

As I hurrying down the road to complete the odd sets of work, suddenly a cab that stood beside the footpath opened its door. I stopped. After few seconds as I tried to proceed through that place again, I faced the same obstacle again. Now, I looked into the cab to find that an old lady was struggling to come out of the cab. She seemed to be old as well as weak.

I was in haste but stopped for a while. The old lady gave me a remainder of my grandmother who is also old and sick. Though I struggled with my bag but still didn’t waste a single moment in thinking what should be done.

 

Opening the door of the cab, I held her hand tightly and brought her out of the cab. There was a glee in her eyes. She stood amazed on the road still holding my hand. As I was thinking of leaving the place, I knew from her gestures that she was thinking of crossing the road. I helped her crossing the road while I was still running short of time. As the auto rickshaws were rushing down the crossing; I stopped one of them to board it for her.

After a bit of struggle, she finally sat in the auto rickshaw comfortably. She held her hand in a gesture of blessing. I stood in the midst of the busy street lost in her thoughts.

Below the ocean..

Below the ocean I sink,
I sink below the waves;
Where the ships floats...
Life above me,
On the land.
But I stand below them,
Waiting in despair.
I searched for thee,
Towards the beach.
I looked at you,
To the heaven  above,
Who has bestowed the life in me.
I close my eyes,
To see you Pa,
The groaning pain I feel in me,
As I sink deep in the sea.

My soul had departed..

My soul has departed with you. I feel so abandoned, so lonely without you my friend. Out in the road I went, to get drenched in the rain that came pouring down washing all my tears away. I got drenched wholly but still I stood waiting for you to arrive. I couldn’t cry because I knew you were not going to come back to me. My tears won’t be able to quench your anger which I had thought would diminish as we would move in our life.

I was wrong. I was having wrong perception about our relationship. I was wrong to have the thought that you will be there with me lifelong. There is a huge gap that is being created as you have moved on leaving me behind in the dark pit of life. We had never spoken of the feelings that we had for each other. We both misunderstood each other and we did defy the rules of friendship.

Nothing seems to touch me except your thoughts. How am I to survive without you? I had never thought that our relationship would drift apart in this way. I haven’t thought those long talks, those texts & those silly fights would be lost forever.

Everything changes around us. Let it be the seasons, the age and the nature itself. But I had a strong belief that our bonding is never going to change over time. But it seems that your priorities have changed over the time and you have forgotten the old episodes.

I stood in the rain. The rain drizzled down my soul, washing away all the thoughts and memories that I had of him. I stood still, closing my eyes and realizing that HE HAD NOT ONLY BEEN MY FRIEND BUT…BUT I have FALLEN for him. I WAS IN LOVE. With this realization again there was a groaning pain. I realized that I could never tell him that I could spend every minute of my life fighting with him, arguing madly and ultimately loving HIM crazily.

I stood there still, hoping and praying to the Almighty to help me in building next blocks of my life.