Lost and found..in mid way..

I love my shoes one here and other there. I love my untidy table even where there are lot of papers, most of them useless. I love my pens here and there, I love my clothes handing from the side racks of the bed.

I just love as it is. I don’t keep my garments, my copies, my books properly. I am always running from one corner to the other corner of the house, searching every nook to find my lost treasure.

At the eve of my every birthday, I feel taking birth as cleanliness `freak’. But my resolutions are lost in the normal run of time.­

Often I get messed up with my things and I get myself in mess looking for my things. A lazy fellow scribbles more than dribble with belongings.

As I was running for my office as usual on Monday morning, I suddenly realised, “OH! Crap. .My metro card is missing. There was only 15mins left to go and now I started looking for the card.  ­­­­The search episode started with my bag, then purse, then diary, under the table, over the table & still couldn’t find it.

Ultimately I took my jeans that I had worn last day when I had used my card then I found that trouser was taken to be washed by the washer man. I breathe hard as there was only five minutes to go.

Now I was back to my old charismatic personality who knows nothing except shouting and grudging off.

Ultimately I found my card in my purse and I had no one to blame but me.

Blue sea..

Grabbing your hand,
I move to that horizon.
To see the passing sun,
That crosses by my soul.
I found thee,
Gurgling the salty water,
That run down your cheeks,
Closing the transparent path,
Shoving the way back,
To those which peeks to,
The mysterious glee..

Have you seen that adamant sea,
That arises above all;
It knocks you down,
Where you are standing today!
Leaving the mesmerized soul,
That cries at the barking shore,
At the sandy dunes,
It passes that mountain cliff,
That seems to range high.
From the trailing zone,
Back to the peaceful home..!!

In pangs of Remorse..

The joy, the enthusiasm from her eyes was suddenly gone. There was despair, hopelessness and a hollowness that cause her to drift into sobs.

There was madness; impatience in her eyes which spoke more than her words could have ever spoken. She was silent and there was nothing except a burning pain and an intolerance to admit it.

As she dashed from one corner of the street to other corner of the street in bewilderment, I stood aghast; still thinking how to deal the situation.

I knew no words of sympathy would calm down her weary heart, but still I felt to cling on to her till she has reached her destination.

I was not sure what to do. My mind played a two way game. The thoughts crossed my mind twice faster. Would it be right to walk away from her giving her some space, some loneliness or was it more important to be with her till she is brave enough to handle herself. The two sides of mind went quarelling with each other.

I was already half drenched in the rain. She was crazy little girl who was fighting all the way to reach her home.

No...I stood there with all the mighty force that I had. But her bewilderment caused my nerves to be agonised. She was getting unruly to get a cab.

Irrationally I behaved too. In the heavy shower I suddenly closed my umbrella. But very soon realised that I had a bag with me and it had laptop in it.

I stepped towards her, crossing the road in midst of the heavy traffic. I stopped a cab,” Behala ? Wait..!! ”Well ,I didn’t even know where she had to go.

The rain had come down with more force now. I asked her to calm down. She paid no heed to it. I felt that she haven`t heard it even. She was lost somewhat. She acted in reflex. There was no time for her to think and act. I felt a fool out there.

But, I stood with her. I loved her a lot. It was impossible for me to see the pain that struggled to come out through her eyes. I knew; I knew how it felt. I knew how it felt when someone loses one of the best people of life.

The rain had caused water-logging at places. And the cab driver had the exact opportunity to bargain. But she was in no mood to bargain with the cab driver.”200/- you need? Ok...!”Now please drive to Thakurpukur.

As she struggled to open door of the cab, I opened the other door and was soon in the cab. She sat silently.

“Man Proposes and God Disposes”, the saying goes on well today. We were in a pretty good mood to celebrate her success and now we were sitting in a gloomy mood in a cab that was rushing down to reach her place.

“You get down at a nearby metro station”, she said. Her chiselled voice brought me back from my thoughts. ”I will travel with you and get down at a place near your house.”

Those salty waters have started flowing down her cheeks. I wanted to hold her and simply make her understand that, “Life is all about births and deaths.” But a wise person like her needed no understanding.

She sat still. Her watch sat tightly on her wrist. She strongly held the plastic handle in the cab and sat upright.

I had been with her a lot of times. I had been with her when she felt luckiest, when she was honored, when she was a little kid sobbing, when she was defeated by the awful results and today when she was deserted by one of the closest person.

Her sniffs were hard to be ignored. Her tears kept rolling on. Her joyous kajal-eyes were suddenly drenched in inevitable affliction.

What am I supposed to do? I find myself in odds when I am unable to understand how to react. I started recapitulating. An incident that happened four years back and its shook me so deep that it left me lost and in turmoil of all mental disturbance, I was made to grow to be more calm, more mature and more patient.

I looked at her. I refer her as my friend, my sister and my ultimate confidante. I could do nothing to stop the pain in which her heart was groaning. It seemed she was being strangled to be calm and quiet.

I started packing her things. ”I can do it”, she said. Her motto, “Self-help is the best help” amazed me more. Suddenly she said to the driver, “Stop the cab as you will take the left, Didi will get down”.

As I was getting ready to leave, I asked her, “Will you be fine?”.

“Yes, you go.” she said.

I got down the cab. Slowly I strolled in from one side to the other side of the road. I took an auto and it rushed me down to the nearest metro station.

I ran from the uncanny place. But I couldn’t run away from my thoughts. At the back of the mind the fear, the anxiety, the loss, the tension kept moaning. Why are the incidents sometimes so weird that it becomes difficult to accept the things.

I knew she was brave enough to handle her tears, her grief but what I was thinking that, “Will my little sister be fine? “There was sudden gush of the salty water as I felt the pangs of past clasping me in its dark hands.

Innocence blown off..

Sometimes it’s just important for me to call your name through the hollows, the gaps and into that vast space.

I find myself aghast in the middle of all lost and all regained senses. I despair to find you in every little things that I have as a memory of yours.

Am I getting lost in the turmoil that surrounds me or am I just regaining myself in everything I did? I fail to explain since I am an exorbitant person and I never walk in the mid path of life.

Loving someone and hating someone is like the opposite face of a coin. But what creates more of the confusion when there is a bit of hate in love and a bit of love in hate. Though both may sound the same but the meaning of it drift apart from all I have.

I have loosened all my ropes to free you from the strangled pain. As I gain momentum again, I find myself gazing back again to those little memories when I was nothing was raining down the fields that soothes my heart when the heat is teasing every cell of my brain and my soul.

Kindness drifted into harshness and solitude to loneliness. As I stood beyond that salty water, I was drenched in the anguish pain of growing up suddenly. The maturity was oblivious and innocence was obvious. But the pre maturity rode on the surreal complexities of life.

And here I stand today, leaving and unleashing the innocence that had previously preoccupied the giant part of my brain.

The new hope...

As I gather all the stars,
Dreams that have been left behind,
Night seems to fall apart,
In hue of the morning dawn.
Moving high towards the rainy clouds,
I ask the waters to rain;
To calm down the weary hearts,
That seem to break at blow,
I glow at the sparkling of stars,
The smell of the first rain,
I collect the freshness of new leaves,
That wraps the liquid chocolate in it,
I collect it for you,
To gift as you start the new day.
Forgetting the old,
Forging the glow,
To bring the misty happiness,
On the hottest days,
When the SUN glows to blow..!!

Discovering an INTROVERT..

I am amazed to see how the time changes the things! How the people ultimately drift from their mere existence and travel from the World of confusion to the World of tranquility.

I am an exorbitant person who is always excited with or without reason. But I get more attached to those people who never expresses their journey to be a special one but treats it to be the most exotic and exquisite journey.

Just letting the things go and holding on to the things which needs to be taken care of softly they are the exact person who knows to maintain the balance in between the close relations and the formal relations.

We, the World often refers them to be the `INTROVERTS`. They live in their own World with all their dreams, duties and people who makes them or leads them to be better person. What I fail to understand is the way in which they treat the person in their own lives, they treats everyone equally but each one of the distinctive way. They are the quite listener yet the most expressive of all the beings.

They never express though and ultimately throw a friendly challenge of understanding them which has a genuine and an honest tagline, “Samajh Sako toh Samajh Lo”.

They changes with time. But they remain the same. The change which comes in them is that they become more of an introvert person and their challenges for understanding them becomes even more and more tough, rough and strong.

They have their peace, their sensibility and their trust which depends on nothing materialistic but it just depends on their hearts which always seems to be happy and gay without any reason or any season.

If they encourage someone to be a part of their lives, then feel lucky. But if you are not so lucky then be ready to face the challenge of understanding them because it will be rather a difficult task to open the crust of the introvert person.

Time is essence they believe that determines the importance of a person. But sometimes this time also doesn’t serve the essence when they trusts you and confides.

What I feel about the introverts is that they are the most intelligent, intellectual and improvised in anything they do, deal or learn. They are the most learned yet the laziest. With a care-free attitude they rock the World but they care for everyone in their heart. They are the solution to every problem and problem to every solution .They are often the most interesting when in the group and boring when alone. They are always mysterious and more you try to reveal the mystery the more mysterious they become.

So if you have an introvert in your life, feel lucky not because they are intelligent but because they are the people who will be by your side let the whole World stands against you. They will always care and in the darkest hours of life their helping hand will be enough to guide you towards the light.

Expectations....

 

 I have cared for the people and I have been hurt terribly in return that I was shattered to pieces. At times I have felt that I should change the way I think. I wanted to change my thought process where I am the last important person of my life. But ultimately the things didn’t change. 

Ultimately I remained the same, though every time I was hurt brutally. Does caring hurts so much? Caring doesn’t hurt but I realized that somehow expectation hurts a lot. I expected. I expected that the way I cared for someone in that similar way the opposite end will care for me. But it was not that.

The fact that remained stand by is how to stop expecting? As being a normal human, I expect from the people I care. This makes the things turn on to other side. Caring for someone does not give the ultimate right to expect.

 

I had lost a numerous friends on account of either excessive care or excessive expectations. But my thought doesn’t change me since I don’t consider it to be a mistake ultimately. 

People have often used me as a thing and then have left me behind broken and torn apart.  Emotions have often found their destination in the salty waters where I have submerged my existence wholly. I know it’s difficult to understand the scenario but the question which remains answerable is that how to deal with my own mentality. The mentality, the nature, the GREAT EXPECTATIONS that is leading me to drift away from my existence!