I felt your absence in my soul. My
heart started racing making my thoughts stagnant to my very childhood. From the
very beginning of my life I have known you; I have felt my existence only because
of you. I didn’t even know whether I need you
right now or not. I only knew that I need you by my side in every moment of my
life.
Long and short trips were a
necessity part of your life and slowly I did became adapted that part where I
had to be without you for few days. I had hugged your belongings whenever you left
and with tears in eyes I have bade you good byes often. There used to be trunk
calls at those times and I used to count a single day waiting for your calls.
I barely existed without your
thoughts. My illness was often cured as you came worrying back from the trip. I
have been the one of the most notorious kid of our house. With you I felt that
I can be the little innocent girl. Long trips didn’t created distance between us...on
the opposite I waited for your arrival to show you the test sheets which I had
to often hide from my mom`s angry glance.
But suddenly I find everything speeding
off in the harsh hands of time. I feel the cactus of time attacking me from
every side and from everywhere .I can’t live without you Pa,I cant.
There had been instances when you
have badly scolded me and then it was you again who took me in your arms, caring
me, and making my tears stopped and soon flying in jolly mood again. I had
often been referred in our family as Daddy`s girl and I loved myself calling so
till. Pa, it was you who had took pride in whatever I did and whatever I
success I reached.
Suddenly there was a fatal blow
from the time glass of the destiny and I stand here in front of my ruined
existence. I have been persistent in my performance .Without you, I am lost in the ocean of unknown and
in the ocean of trauma.
I stood up while I was still lost
in thoughts. I was struggling to bring my thoughts under my rules and under my
discipline. But they stood rebellious staking my existence and drowning me in
the ocean of past. I still stood near
my family thinking about them and tried to collect my thoughts.
I still felt the last words that
you have spoken to me that morning and I felt how I would live without his
voice in my life. I stood still burning in the rage of despair and in
helplessness that a 23 year old girl could have felt.
After five years I stand out of
the crowd today. I have earned a little recognition and I miss you in my life. How
my life would have been if you were there are the sudden thoughts that arise in
my heart? I know every moment you are watching me from somewhere. Only thing
that I sometimes crave, I miss is to feel is your physical existence in my life
– your voice, your words and ultimately YOU.
