Pa.. .. I Miss ..

I felt your absence in my soul. My heart started racing making my thoughts stagnant to my very childhood. From the very beginning of my life I have known you; I have felt my existence only because of you. I didn’t even know whether I need you right now or not. I only knew that I need you by my side in every moment of my life.

Long and short trips were a necessity part of your life and slowly I did became adapted that part where I had to be without you for few days. I had hugged your belongings whenever you left and with tears in eyes I have bade you good byes often. There used to be trunk calls at those times and I used to count a single day waiting for your calls.

I barely existed without your thoughts. My illness was often cured as you came worrying back from the trip. I have been the one of the most notorious kid of our house. With you I felt that I can be the little innocent girl. Long trips didn’t created distance between us...on the opposite I waited for your arrival to show you the test sheets which I had to often hide from my mom`s angry glance.

But suddenly I find everything speeding off in the harsh hands of time. I feel the cactus of time attacking me from every side and from everywhere .I can’t live without you Pa,I cant.

There had been instances when you have badly scolded me and then it was you again who took me in your arms, caring me, and making my tears stopped and soon flying in jolly mood again. I had often been referred in our family as Daddy`s girl and I loved myself calling so till. Pa, it was you who had took pride in whatever I did and whatever I success I reached.

Suddenly there was a fatal blow from the time glass of the destiny and I stand here in front of my ruined existence. I have been persistent in my performance .Without you, I am lost in the ocean of unknown and in the ocean of trauma.

I stood up while I was still lost in thoughts. I was struggling to bring my thoughts under my rules and under my discipline. But they stood rebellious staking my existence and drowning me in the ocean of past. I still stood near my family thinking about them and tried to collect my thoughts.

I still felt the last words that you have spoken to me that morning and I felt how I would live without his voice in my life. I stood still burning in the rage of despair and in helplessness that a 23 year old girl could have felt.

After five years I stand out of the crowd today. I have earned a little recognition and I miss you in my life. How my life would have been if you were there are the sudden thoughts that arise in my heart? I know every moment you are watching me from somewhere. Only thing that I sometimes crave, I miss is to feel is your physical existence in my life – your voice, your words and ultimately YOU.

Desperately..

I tried a lot to move on. But certainly couldn’t. I have really started analyzing what brought such a traumatic death of our friendship. I hoped and I expected that in midst of all turmoil a day will come when you will realize that i really respect you and your friendship. I despaired to find a solution to the problems that were being created between us. I lost the war that was against all the odds. I wanted to talk to you. You knew everything about me and still you put me at state of doubt. I didn’t know that ego and the self respect will bring an end to all the bonding that has grown between us for the last ten years.

Many times in past we have fought. We have fought on trifles but this time I have lost my patience. A day doesn’t cross by when I don’t miss you my friend. Our regular chats and the way in which you I thought that someday all the conflicts will come to an end.  Though you judged me wrong sometimes but someday you will understand the correct meanings of my words.

It’s almost months that we have stopped looking into each other’s affairs and have started minding our own business. Is that the world name as maturity? I don’t understand what bought such a huge distance in between us. Nothing is persistent in this life neither the relationships nor the people. But i believe the friendship is really a different part of the whole story. But the friendship that had grown in course of time I valued it a lot. I took a lot of time before taking the decision. Let it be anything but I had not thought that u will fly off India without even informing me once. Friend you have really moved on. I feel the pain in my heart of losing one of my closest friends.

Everyone suggested me to move on but it is a real difficult scenario altogether. Did I stand on the road of life that had stopped moving forward? Was it very important to make the things twist in this way? I feel like sobbing. I don’t feel to quit any way but the things have changed their due course in the ruthless hands of time. To wait means to act foolishly. I had always been emotional but hadn’t been a fool in hands of a friend.My trust was broken and it was difficult for me to forget and forgive my friend.

I have stopped thinking about this sting but to remove it from the heart is really hard to be accepted. Earlier also we have fought a lot of times but it was withdrawn by our patience. But this time things aren’t working well friend. We have already lost each other and truly speaking we don’t even feel to get back to each other though there are ways.

But still you will always be my friend..!!

From Friends...

He proposed. I was quiet as I felt his words running through the veins to my heart. I was shivering in cold and there was no one to be seen in vicinity. We were lost in each other. I knew him from past many years but did I exactly know how I was? I was afraid being in love. I was afraid of loosing him.

We were friends and with time we were best buddies. Being friends and then being partners is the most blissful thing that can happen in life that I realized later. I got my best friend as my partner. The twisting and the most complex part of the whole story was that we were exact opposite of each other. There is an old saying – “Opposites attract each other”. The passion could not be bound by the rules of the so called snobbish society.

All the connections and link went off but still the destiny played its own cards. We met again and there evolved a different chemistry between us. We were lost suddenly in the midst of unknown feelings. “Man proposes and God disposes” – the words are quiet truly spoken by a renowned author. I woke up in shock from my sleep when I realized I had fallen for my best buddy. I didn’t want to fall in love, at least not with my childhood pal!

But I had already fallen for him! Desperately I was waiting for those three magical words that would turn my life upside down. I was afraid to feel those three words drumming down my ears but on other hand I was anxiously waiting for those words. A day came when there was a sudden rush of adrenalin and then came the flowing words of emotions. Well, destiny had played its card at right time. We started off without knowing the ultimate destiny of our relationship.

We were moody, we were obstinate but love made its way from heart to soul. We struggled through the rough waters of life and have grown with each other and for each other. We respect each other for whatever we are. We are companions and that’s the best part of the whole story.

Love is beautiful if it grows with time. Nice to be in LOVE!!

Leaving the dark

My beats ran against his pounding heart,

I drew him close to stop my beats.

I blew the fire and ashes came round,

I was lost in his thoughts.

I scored and secured,

The lost dreams,  the paradise.

Running behind the blackened sky,

My dreams of stars were lost.

Came then he, by the morning hue,

 Distress ran down my nerves.

Passion had its own role,

When the thoughts were raining down,

There was no pledge,

Neither was there any sacrifice.

But with the morning came the sun,

With it came the hoping heart,

“I LOVE YOU” came those words gushing,

When I was about to be captured,

In the deep dark cage of earthly mess.